Courtesy of the Plain Dealer:
‘How I spent my summer vacation’
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
The end of summer marks the beginning of a very busy political season for Ohio politicians. Some will debate health care and energy policy at the Statehouse, while others will jump into the 2008 campaigns.
Fortunately, summer gave many of them time to rest up and get focused. Here’s how a few of them might explain their summer to Gov. Ted Strickland:
Dear Ted:
If you don’t know me by now, you should. I’m the real boss of Summit County’s Republican Party. And though my party is about as popular as toys from China right now, I still have statewide ambition. I could have your job in 2010.
I’ve spent a decade in Columbus as state representative and senator from Cuyahoga Falls. My attractive family is featured in all of my commercials.
This summer, I began organizing a coup against Summit County GOP Chairman Alex Arshinkoff, who raises and spends big money but has little to show for it. And he makes decisions all the time without my input. You may have heard me blast him on Cleveland’s local NPR station, WCPN. (Too bad the only listeners were liberals from Cleveland Heights and Oberlin.)
I have lined up support from dozens of leaders whom I can’t name right now. But trust me: I have a lot of closeted support. If I can just get the support of our babe-liscious state auditor, Mary Taylor – who’s from my county – I could lock up this whole thing right now.
Let’s keep up the bipartisanship!
Sincerely,
Kevin ‘Mad Dog’ Coughlin
State Senator
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1 comment:
As seen on RAB:
Found in a trashbasket at the PD, or was it SCRP HQ?? said,
Wrote on September 4, 2007 @ 11:02 pm
Ted,
How’s it going? Heavy lies the head, doesn’t it?
I am writing because this Coughlin guy keeps saying that I have been working with the Democrats (try to contain your laughter - even the Beacon Journal wouldn’t buy it) - so I figured if I have done all this work for your team (try to read, not laugh, Ted), the least you could do would be endorse me for Republican Chairman against Kevin’s yet-unannounced Dark Horse. Right now, I think the only candidates are Kevin and his imaginary friend, Pete. Everyone else seems to be avoiding Kevin like the plague.
I hope you’ll be able to overlook the $346,000 I raised for Ken Blackwell, the $310,000 I raised for Betty Montgomery and the $103,000 I raised for Mary Taylor in 2006 and all the hundreds of thousands of dollars I have raised over the years for the house and senate caucuses (though I question that senate money more and more each day). However, you do have to admit, Mary Taylor is the most attractive statewide elected official you’ve seen in a while. (She lets me call her babe-licious; she slapped Kevin when he called her that.)
Anyway, this midget from the Falls is giving me fits. I wish he’d just grow up. I tried to have the Sheriff jail him. The Sheriff says he’s afraid Kevin will run for prison-president and he doesn’t need the aggravation. The Sheriff thinks Kevin would be more of a pain in Jail than out of Jail (hard to imagine). And there’s some nonsense about constitutional rights. I am not sure I understand that.
I even asked the Probate Judge to institutionalize him until after the 2008 primary. Again,there was some garbage about constitutional rights. More importantly, the director of the local psychiatric hospital said they already had three Napoleons and didn’t want a fourth. Oh well.
I guess I need to turn him into another Jimmy Petro. Don’t see much of that Jimmy Petro any more, do you? It might not take much work. Hell, two of Kevin’s six supporters include people who do more work for Democrats than Republicans. (Maybe I shouldn’t tell you that - You may want to consider endorsing him.)
I guess I could always call the County Engineer and see if they could build a bridge through his house. That would probably look too transparent.
Remember Ted, even if you raise tons of money for the little ingrates, give them facilities and staff, and even hire their friends, it doesn’t mean that they’ll be loyal. Anyways, enjoy the fall. Let me know how that VP thing goes for you.
Alex
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