You may wonder how a month into his "campaign for a change" Kevin Coughlin's "movement" has less momentum than Walter Mondale's 1984 presidential bid...
Well, now we know how. Just use this recipe, smuggled from the Coughlin camp's super-secret headquarters (it's almost as secret as his slate of officers to lead his brave new party)...
The Coughlin Mediocrity Punch. Not quite as effective as Jim Jones' cool aide, but it's almost as lethal. With a few simple ingredients, you too can have your own dead on arrival campaign.
Start with one embittered, term-limited officeholder without a career other than feeding at the public trough who has been simmering for several years in a marinade of bile, blended with equal parts of jealousy and resentment.
Add one bitter former Republican activist.
Let simmer for several months. Remove bitter former Republican activist. Save for later use.
Add one pointed letter that is a blend of rumor, misinformation, half-truths and lies. Mix with a slick website funded by a mystery committee and a handful of interviews sprinkled with the same blend or rumor, misinformation, half-truths and lies.
Add no candidates for the "new" party's leadership. Add only a few disgruntled registered Republicans who do more work for Democrats than Republican candidates and you're almost there.
Refuse to answer any questions concerning your personal motivations, conflicts of interest, lack of qualifications, lack of support or lack of supporters, labelling all such inquiries as "the politics of personal destruction." Add liberal doses of invective directed at your "opponents" via anonymous postings to websites, blogs, etc. Let simmer.
Cool for four weeks. Serve cold. It's a bitter drink. No wonder it is so unpopular.
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